I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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