just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
