also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize