Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
