I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
