I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize