Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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