Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
