I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
