I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
