yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
