On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
