I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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