So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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