If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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