Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
