I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
