Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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