I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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