So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
