I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
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I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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