why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
