Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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