yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
