i would punch a child for taco bell
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
