Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
