what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
