They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
