five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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