I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
