So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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