you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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