Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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