Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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