This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
