census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
