Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
