I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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