i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Still dying that you shit outside
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
