You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just invented taco cereal.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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