I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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