this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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