my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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