wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
