I feel like abortions should bother me more
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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