ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
