they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize