The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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