Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
