you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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