Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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