his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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