i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
