don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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