I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
