Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
