I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
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how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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