real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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