Someone shit on the floor
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
