put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
