Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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