here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
