i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
