I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
