i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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