i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
