I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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