that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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